I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
