You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
