he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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