So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
