i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
