I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
