is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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