Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she woke up with a sticky ear
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
