Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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