My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
