chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
