Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
