how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
