Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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