If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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