I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
