I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
