omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
