you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dear god my vagina.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
