Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
