He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
