Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
