And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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