I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
