it was like his penis was on wheels.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
