I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
