I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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