i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
