I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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