I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm just crazy horny about you
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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