Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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