he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
