my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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