I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
