i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
