went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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