real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
