Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wish you could order shots online.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
