I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
