So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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