I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
