dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
