so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
