u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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