yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
