just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
