who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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