either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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