she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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