I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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