Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
