I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
