I'm really into asian looking animals
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
