Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You need Xanax blowdarts
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
