Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
