He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
